i have been saying that i would do it for a while. and only now has it seemed absolutely imperative to actually get it done. now that it's on, i dont know if i can ever take it off, again.

im still not willing to let go of the little things. i suppose it's a little bit of denial. combined with the fact that i havent yet completely come to terms with the reality of it. probably because it's such a familiar routine. for example, i got out of the shower, and half expected to see him sitting in my room... later, the doorbell rang, and my heart skipped a beat, hoping it might be him. i dont know whether i WANT it to be him, but that doesnt kill the hope. subconscious, but telling.