i suppose i'll have to return to blogging.

for the past two and a half years, i've had - for the first time - someone in my life that i could turn to for anything. someone on whom i could rely to support me, and be there for me, no matter what.

whether it was a time of personal crisis, like cutting, or simply a bad day, i always had a shoulder to cry on.. someone to hold me close, and tell me that everything would be okay.
i dont have that anymore, and so when the emotions (whether good or bad) become overwhelming, i will once again turn to this blog to help me sort through the mess and work out some sort of equilibrium..

*~*

it's funny.. we've known for a while that this was an inevitable eventuality, and so i think i've been going through the process of grieving since we first discussed it.

i spent a lot of time in denial, refusing to believe that anything could destroy our happiness. i was briefly angry about the circumstances, but quickly began to bargain with myself, and spent weeks trying to work out a way to change circumstances which were out of my control. immediately after it became reality, i was, of course, extremely upset.. the garbage can in my room is filled, entirely with tissues that i used through all the crying.. but i very quickly moved on to acceptance.

this is just how it has to be. it sucks, but there are things that we cant change that DO affect us, whether we like it or not. in an ideal world, nothing would matter except what we feel, and what we want.. but in real life, things like distance, and careers, and families DO make a difference. i like to think that perhaps one day we will both be established, and able to reconnect, possibly even living happily ever after, but life is not a fairytale. life does, however, go on... and we must learn to go on, with it.