Aimless Ramblings:
I miss The Ex so much. I hate him, but I still miss him. He was a huge part of my life for a long, long time, and it is very weird to not have him there anymore. I don't want him back. I don't want to have him there FOR me. I just miss knowing what's going on with him. I miss knowing that he's okay. I'm worried. I know he has got a lot going on, and I want so much to be able to call him to check on him.. to make sure the family is okay.. to find out how things are working out for him.. to make sure he's sleeping properly, and taking care of himself.

I hate that our friendship was destroyed by something so stupid. Thinking about it, I'm not sure whether it was what I did or the fact that I wasnt honest with him about it that he was upset by. He didnt have a right to be upset by my actions, so it must have been the lying. I was trying to protect him. I've been doing that a lot lately: omitting to tell the truth to avoid hurting people, I mean. And it always lands me in more trouble than when I started.

So, perhaps the solution is to ensure that the people never find the truth. Of course, if I had my way, it would all be like that. Realistically, however, as we all know, the truth will eventually come out. And when it does, the people you were trying to shelter will be twice as hurt as everyone else.

It's the paradox of honesty.

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