Confessions of a Moo

Aimless Ramblings of a Distracted Mind..

Sunday, November 12, 2006

RFotD:
Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

Weight:
106.2 lbs - how?!

Consumption:
Nothing since about 9pm last night, as of 4:45pm. But I'm being dragged out to dinner with the fam tonight, so I'll have to eat something then, probably.

Aimless Ramblings:
What the hell is wrong with me?

Who is this clingy, crazy person, and why am I turning into her? I don’t like the person I am becoming. I don’t like her at all.

When my Ex dumped me, I was heartbroken. I felt as though I had driven him away by being too high maintenance; too much drama. As contrived as this may sound, I felt as though I didn’t deserve love.

It didn’t help that so many other things in my life were falling apart at the time: socially, personally, academically, professionally, nothing seemed to be going right for me.

I had a very rough few months, but eventually things started working out; things began to fall into place. And then I met Mr Emotional Baggage, and it was as though all the shit that I’d been going through was finally giving way, and that my life might actually finally be getting on track. I might finally be happy.

I should have known better. I guess it’s unfair to blame Baggage for the fact that I’m unhappy. It’s not his fault.

It IS his fault, however, that we aren't together. It's his fault for being charming and yet distant, and leaving me hanging and doubting everything. It's his fault that I’m turning into this psychotic woman that sends drunken text messages whining about how much I hate him for not letting me hate him. It's true, but what happened to my sense of pride? Where is my sense of dignity? The old me would never let a boy get to her like this. The old me was a frigid bitch. When did she disappear? How did she end up being replaced by this overly emotional, needy, whining, clinging basket case? I don’t blame Baggage for not wanting to get involved with me. I wouldn’t want to be involved with me, either. In fact, if I could get away from myself, I would.

Mood Tracker:
17

1 Comments:

At November 12, 2006 7:55 p.m., Blogger Coco said...

1) you have to be the tiniest person ever. I think I could fit you in my pocket. :)

2) it's a bitch, huh? Once you let your guard down (i.e. melt that frigid bitch exterior) it opens you up to acting all sorts of crazy. Don't know what the remedy is, alas . . .

 

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