RFotD:
Each of the suits on a deck of cards represents the four major pillars of the economy in the middle ages: heart represented the Church, spades represented the military, clubs represented agriculture, and diamonds represented the merchant class.

Weight:
99.4 lbs

Consumption:
nothing yet..

Aimless Ramblings:
Sexual Harassment:
I got totally sexually harassed at work yesterday.. I wasnt initially going to blog about it, but I've gotten over being upset and feeling violated and dirty; now I'm just angry and disgusted, and needing to vent.

My boss was on the road yesterday, but he was going to be in the neighbourhood of the office, and asked if I would mind bringing down some reports for him, if he stopped his car in front of our building. This isnt really my job, but I really like my boss a lot, and I dont mind doing him little favours like that: it doesnt really cost me anything, and he really appreciates it. So, yesterday, I ran down with a stack of reports, and he rolled down the passenger window of his car so I could hand them to him. I leaned into the window and passed the reports over, and had a quick chat with him before heading back into the office. When I stood up and turned around, I saw two of my coworkers, two guys that I'm not even very close to, standing a few metres behind me.. one with his cellphone out, and poised as if to take a picture... of me. Oh, I should probably mention that I was wearing a midthigh length dress with a blazer yesterday and looked quite cute. Anyway, while this was kind of disconcerting, I was going to just ignore him. But then he said "Smallfat*, do you mind turning around again and leaning into the car window for a minute?" !!!!! He was taking pictures of my ass.. possibly even up my skirt!! I'm sorry, but that's just NOT on. I mean, yes.. our department tends to bend the rules of decorum a little: you can get away with a lot in our department, in terms of profanity, and sexual innuendos, and joking around that you wouldnt be able to do in, say, accounting... and I'm totally fine with that. I actually enjoy it.. I love that we're all so relaxed and friendly. But in what warped universe would what this guy was doing be considered REMOTELY appropriate behaviour in a work environment? If it had been someone with whom I had a personal as well as a professional relationship, I probably would have laughed it off.. but I barely know this guy; we're barely even acquaintances and I didnt even like him. I'm considering filing a complaint with HR... I might do it anonymously; or I might tag it on as support to a complaint that another girl is considering making against this guy.

The Job:
I came back from two weeks of vacation, expecting to feel refreshed and rejuvenated, and ready to jump back into the saddle and love my job again. I dont. The more and more I think about it, the more I feel.. wasted. There is so much more to me than what I am doing. My job is fairly stressful, but not at all stimulating. I dont feel like I'm really getting anything out of it anymore.. except for a paycheque.. and even that isnt really all that fantastic. I'm so much smarter than this. I am intelligent, and personable, and cultured, and ambitious.. and I look around me at some of my colleagues, and while they are all very nice people, it's really hard at times to not feel a bit exasperated. I was talking to one of the girls yesterday.. and she was saying that she doesnt think she will apply for promotions or anything. She's satisfied with where she is and what she's doing. I smiled and made the appropriate comments, but I couldnt help thinking to myself "That's it? This is all you want?" It's not even really about the money that I want more of... It's the intellectual and creative challenge that I'm just not getting at all.. I really need to start looking for other opportunities.

The Fam
I love my family. I really do. But the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I REALLY need to move out of our house. For all of our sanity, and also because I will NEVER feel that I'm ready, and I need to take the plunge eventually... lots to think about; lots of decisions to be made.. it's going to be an emotionally charged year!

Love Life
Things with Baggage continue to confuse me.. in December, we had a nice long chat (slash cuddle, slash make-out-session) and established that we both really like each other, and continue to be wildly attracted to one another, but neither of us is quite ready to commit to a relationship. Partly because we are still coworkers; partly because we're both scared of committment; partly because neither of us feels entirely stable enough to make a decision like that. So, we decided to just enjoy each others' company and let it run its course. A week later, I dropped in on him for a quickie, on my way to a dinner date with the girls. Yes, I made a bootie call. It made me feel better, in terms of taking some power back, but then I was a bit embarassed about possibly having messed up any chances for a good friendship.

When I got back from vacation, he told me repeatedly (at work; online; when we hung out socially) that he'd really missed me while I was gone.. and when we were out with a mutual friend/coworker, after she left, he kissed me. The first time, I let him kiss me but then I pulled away and carried on as though nothing had happened. The second time was right before we were leaving. I said goodbye, and that I would see him the next day, and turned to leave but he pulled me back and kissed me again, and this time I kissed him back.

Not entirely sure what this means.. I'm trying really hard to not read into anything and to not have any expectations, because that's the surest way of setting myself up to get hurt.

Mood Tracker:
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